CCC 27-1_LR

Recovering from Narcissism and Emotional Abuse: His Point of View Page 22

Slowing Down the Game to be an Even More Effective Counselor Page 38

A Salutogenic Approach: Addressing the Mind, Body, and Spirit Page 15

A Publication of the American Association of Christian Counselors

Volume 27 | Issue 1

IN THIS ISSUE

Lead Articles From the President Clinical Practice Innovative Thought & Practice Trending Now Healthy Relationships

1 10 15 18 22 26 30 34 38

Pastoral Care News & Notes Pass It On

t The American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) is thrilled to announce the launch of a brand-new Professional Life Coaching Certification Program! This program has just been released and is designed to equip indi viduals with the skills, knowledge, and credentials to become effective life coaches. Whether you are looking to add coaching to your existing practice or start a new career, this certification offers an incredible opportunity to make a meaningful impact on the lives of others. This comprehensive program, available through Light University, provides the perfect blend of theory and practical application, ensuring that you are well-prepared to guide others on their journey toward achieving their personal and professional goals. What’s New? The course includes 24 brand-new, never-seen-before coaching videos. The Professional Life Coaching Certification includes 24 hours of training deliv ered through engaging video lectures, in-depth course materials, and practical exercises. These sessions are led by a distinguished panel of coaching experts, including Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd, Dr. Catherine Hart Weber, Georgia Shaffer, Dr. Johnny Parker, Jason VanRuler, and other industry-leading coaches in the field of Christian coaching. NEW Professional Life Coaching Certification Just Released!

LEAD ARTICLES

Professional Life Coaching 101 l PLC 101: Biblical Foundations of Christian Coaching: Definitions and Differences Catherine Hart Weber, Ph.D. l PLC 102: Competent Christian Coaching: The ICCA Coaching Model Sylvia Hart Frejd, D.Min. l PLC 103: Establishing the Coaching Relationship: Building Client Rapport Georgia Shaffer, M.A. l PLC 104: Evoking Awareness: Coaching the Person, Not the Problem Sylvia Hart Frejd, D.Min. l PLC 105: The Vibrant Person of the Coach Catherine Hart Weber, Ph.D. l PLC 106: The Coaching Toolbox: Assessments and Resources Georgia Shaffer, M.A. l PLC 107: Coaching for Change: Goal Setting and Effective Strategies Jennifer Rowland, M.A., and Dina Jones, M.A. l PLC 108: Developing Christian Coaching Confidence Daphne Washington, Ph.D. l PLC 109: Group and Team Coaching Georgia Shaffer, M.A. l PLC 110: Finding Your Coaching Niche Jason VanRuler, M.A. l PLC 111: Coaching for Resilience: Helping Clients Get Unstuck Zach Clinton, M.A. l PLC 112: Ethics in Christian Coaching: Essential Guidelines for Professional Practice Sylvia Hart Frejd, D.Min. Professional Life Coaching 201 l PLC 201: Advanced Coaching Skills Sylvia Hart Frejd, D.Min. l PLC 202: Spiritual Formation Coaching Catherine Hart Weber, Ph.D. l PLC 203: Coaching the Coach Georgia Shaffer, M.A. l PLC 204: Growth Mindset Coaching for Healthy Habits, Motivation, and Performance Zach Clinton, M.A. l PLC 205: Breakthrough Coaching: Helping Clients Overcome Setbacks Ashley Elliott, M.S. and Chuck Elliott, M.A. l PLC 206: Culturally Competent Coaching Mark Crear, Ph.D. l PLC 207: Coach and Client Well-being Johnny Parker, D.S.L. l PLC 208: Advanced Coaching Skills for Growth and Change Dina Jones, M.A. l PLC 209: Marketing Your Niche Jason VanRuler, M.A. l PLC 210: Career Coaching Dina Jones, M.A. l PLC 211: Executive and Leadership Coaching Johnny Parker, D.S.L. l PLC 212: Marriage and Relationship Coaching Ted Cunningham, MACE Why Choose Professional Life Coaching? Life coaching has become one of the fastest-growing professions today, and for good reason. People everywhere are seeking personal transformation, clarity, and the skills to overcome obstacles in their personal and professional lives. As a professional life coach, you can guide others to reach their fullest potential, discover their passions, and pursue their God-given calling. People everywhere are seeking personal transformation, clarity, and the skills to overcome obstacles in their personal and professional lives.

A PUBLICATION OF THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF CHRISTIAN COUNSELORS

President: TIM CLINTON VP of Publications/Editor-in-Chief: MARK CAMPER Advertising Director: KEISHA QUEEN Graphic Designer: AMY COLE

Published quarterly by American Association of Christian Counselors, Inc., P.O. Box 739, Forest, VA 24551. AACC is an organization of evangelical pro fessional, lay, and pastoral counselors dedicated to promoting excellence and unity in Christian counseling. To ensure the confidentiality of all individuals men tioned in case material, names and identifying informa tion have been changed. Unsolicited manuscripts and poetry are not accepted. A query letter must be sent first, describing a proposed manuscript. Unfortunately, any unsolicited manuscripts will not be returned. CHRISTIAN COUNSELING CONNECTION grants permission for any original article (not a reprint) to be photocopied for use in a local church or classroom, provided no more than 250 copies are made, are dis tributed free, and indicate CHRISTIAN COUNSELING CONNECTION as the source. Advertising deadline for display advertising is approx imately six weeks before the month of publication. Please call for exact deadline dates. All advertising must be prepaid. If you have comments or questions about the content of CCC, please direct them to the Senior Editor. The views expressed by the reviewers, authors, or advertisers do not necessarily reflect those of the American Association of Christian Counselors, and a review in this publication does not imply an endorse ment. AACC and this publication do not assume responsibility in any way for members’ or readers’ efforts to apply or utilize information, suggestions, or recommendations made by the organization, its members, publications, or other resources. All rights reserved. Copyright 2019.

AACC Member Services & Editorial Office P.O. Box 739 129 Vista Centre Dr., Suite B Forest,VA 24551

Phone: 1.800.526.8673 Email: CCC@AACC.net WWW.AACC.NET

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Who is this Program For? This certification is perfect for those who feel called to help others unlock their potential and achieve their goals. Whether you are a counselor, pastor, church leader, busi ness professional, or someone passionate about personal development, the Professional Life Coaching Certification is for you. Additionally, this program is ideal for anyone look ing to expand their skill set or transition into a coaching career. You do not need any previous experience in coaching or counseling to begin this journey. All you need is a desire to help others and a commitment to the learn ing process. Now is the perfect time to take the next step toward becoming a certified Christian life coach! With the AACC’s newly released Professional Life Coaching Certification, you will join a community of dedicated individuals com mitted to helping others live out their God-given poten tial. To learn more, please visit https://lightuniversity. com/professional-christian-life-coaching/. ;

By becoming a certified life coach, you will be able to work one-on-one with individuals, helping them define their goals, create actionable plans, and implement strate gies to achieve success. You will be an invaluable resource for those who want to make positive changes in their lives and are ready to take the next step toward growth and fulfillment. What Will You Learn? The Professional Life Coaching Certification provides a solid foundation in coaching principles and strategies. You will learn to ask powerful, thought-provoking ques tions that lead clients to self-discovery and personal insight. Additionally, you will develop the skills to help clients identify obstacles, develop achievable goals, and maintain accountability throughout the coaching process. Some key topics covered in the program include: l Foundational coaching principles l The art of asking the right questions l Goal setting and action planning l Effective communication techniques l Strategies for overcoming obstacles l Integrating a Christian worldview into your coach ing practice

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NEW FAITH-BASED ONLINE COMMUNITIES FOR IGNITE MEN AND EWOMEN NOW AVAILABLE!

Two incredible new platforms, Ignite+ and eWomen+ , are now available from the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC)! These valuable resources are for counselors, coaches, and their clients and provide a wealth of spiritual and professional growth opportu nities specifically designed to empower and uplift Christian men and women.

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Ignite+ is your all-access pass to exclusive content, real conversations, and a brotherhood of men united in pursuit of faith, strength, and purpose. Whether deep ening your walk with God, finding encouragement for life’s challenges, or just looking to connect with other like-minded men, Ignite+ is where it all comes togeth er. Ignite+ features engaging content from some of the most notable Christian leaders like John Townsend, Tim Timberlake, Joshua Broome, Tim Clinton, Davey Blackburn, and more! Ignite+ membership includes: l Exclusive Videos & Series Library: Biblical teach ings, powerful stories, and real conversations to fuel your faith and help you go deeper in your walk with God. l + Podcast: Listen to real conversations with men from all walks of life discussing purpose,

relationships, mental health, and biblical truth, hosted by Zach Clinton and featuring a lineup of incredible guests. l + Motivation: Receive personalized text messages on topics like faith, mental health, relationships, and more to uplift and inspire! l + Prayers & Conversations: A dedicated space for sharing prayer requests and connecting through meaningful discussion with other like-minded men. l + Campfire Livestream: Learn from and engage with leading voices in men’s ministry, and join live conversations as we discuss topics that will help you grow as a man of God. To learn more about Ignite+, please visit https:// ignitemen.net/join-today/.

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e

Whether you are guiding men through life’s challenges or helping women deepen their faith, Ignite+ and eWomen+ are excellent resources to complement the work you do in counseling and coaching sessions.

sages and encouraging biblical inspiration sent to your mobile device. Receive personalized text messages on topics like faith, mental health, rela tionships, and more to uplift and inspire! l Flourish Livestream: Learn from and engage with leading voices in women’s ministry and join live conversations as we discuss topics to help you flourish! To learn more about EW+, please visit: https://ewom en.net/plus/. These platforms are especially useful for counselors and coaches who can recommend them to clients as tools for personal growth and spiritual encouragement. Whether you are guiding men through life’s challenges or help ing women deepen their faith, Ignite+ and eWomen+ are excellent resources to complement the work you do in counseling and coaching sessions. Both platforms provide a biblically grounded community and practical tools to foster spiritual growth, which can be instrumen tal in clients’ emotional and mental health journeys. ;

EWomen+ goes beyond the conference experience, providing insightful teaching, uplifting stories, and an ever-expanding online toolkit for spiritual growth—all in one place! It features exclusive content from Lisa Bevere, Liz Curtis Higgs, Chonda Pierce, Julie Clinton, and more! EWomen+ membership includes: l Premium Content: Exclusive eWomen+ original video library, past conference segments archive, and new EW+ podcast! The content includes bibli cal teachings, heartfelt conversations, and uplift ing stories to help you grow in your relationships with God and others! The EW+ podcast features real conversations with women from all walks of life discussing marriage, family, relationships, mental health, and biblical truth, hosted by the Extraordinary Women team. l Engaging Community: A dedicated space for sharing prayer requests and connecting through meaningful discussion with other like-minded women. l Personal Connection: Personalized text mes

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HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR AACC MEMBERSHIP

y Your AACC membership offers numerous opportunities to enhance your professional growth. Making the most of these resources is key, as your AACC membership is a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you grow professionally and spiritually. Whether you are a counselor, coach, or mental health professional, these resources provide access to continuing education, confer ences, and an engaged network of Christian professionals. One of the most valuable benefits is access to continu ing education credits (CEUs) through our Counseltalk

Webinars . Hosted monthly, Webinar participants receive useful insight from professionals in their respective fields from the comfort of their homes or offices. They can earn continuing education hours (CEs), which are required to maintain specialized mental health licensures and certifications. These allow participants to stay current on industry trends and improve their expertise in specialized areas such as trauma, addiction, suicide prevention, and more. To keep track of upcoming Webinars, please visit https://aacc.net/product-category/webinars/.

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Another significant aspect of AACC mem bership is attending conferences and special events. These in-person or virtual events feature renowned speakers, workshops, and breakout sessions that provide learning and networking opportunities. Actively participat ing in these events can help you build profes sional relationships and gain insights from leading voices in Christian counseling and coaching. Christian Counseling Today ( CCT ), our quarterly, award-winning flagship publication, tackles the most pressing issues facing coun selors, coaches, and pastors. With its uniquely Christian point of view, CCT delves into today’s hottest and most controversial subjects, offer ing thought-provoking, clinically excellent, and biblically sound analysis that is included with all membership levels. Our membership Facebook community , available through the AACC, provides a collab orative space for Christian counselors to con nect, discuss challenges, and share resources. Engaging with these groups can be especially helpful if you seek advice on handling complex cases or pursue ideas to grow your practice. Sharing your experiences and insights can help others and position you as a resource within the community. AACC also offers The Care and Counsel Podcast (formerly CounselBytes), a monthly podcast hosted by Dr. Tim and Zach Clinton featuring Christian counseling and mental health experts. It provides a flexible way to continue learning and developing your prac tice. Counseltrends is a monthly video featur ing the AACC clinical staff discussing topics relevant to today’s Christian counselors for Presidential members, while Clinical Insights allows Presidential members to submit rele vant questions to Christian counseling, which the AACC clinical staff answers monthly. Your AACC membership is a robust plat form for professional development. By fully engaging with its resources—continuing education, events, publications, and commu nities—you can strengthen your counseling practice, expand your client base, and enrich your spiritual and professional life as a Chris tian counselor and coach. Also, members can take advantage of discounts on AACC events, certifications, and resources. These can make the financial investment of membership even more worthwhile, helping you grow profes sionally without straining your budget. ;

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FROM THE PRESIDENT

w Dear Colleagues: A verse to hold on to as we move on from a wild fall, including election season, and press toward the end of the year is Ephesians 3:20-21 (NIV): “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus through out all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Our power, our strength, and our hope are in Christ. Stay anchored right there. 2024 : A YEAR IN REVIEW What a year! The entire AACC team cannot wait for the holiday season to enjoy some extra time with family and friends and celebrate the goodness and grace of our Lord.

Tim Clinton, Ed.D., LPC, LMFT

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FROM THE PRESIDENT

Here are a few 2024 highlights that I wanted to share with you: AACC “Stand Strong” Mega National Christian Counseling Conference The AACC “Stand Strong” Mega National Christian Counseling Con ference in Dallas (October 10-12, 2024) featured 11 specialized tracks, in tensives, and workshops. A sold-out crowd of more than 2,200 attendees engaged with leading mental health and ministry experts like Dr. Ben Car son, Pastor Samuel Rodriguez, Dr. Daniel Amen, Leslie Vernick, and many others to gain insights into some of the top issues today in counseling, coaching, recovery, and marriage and family. Filled with amazing clinical work shops and networking opportunities, attendees enjoyed faith-based, evi dence-driven learning experiences, a dynamic exhibit hall, and times of personal and professional renewal. We also hosted a very encouraging and impactful religious liberty in mental health education and services event to help bring awareness and collabora tion with legal, ethical, advocacy, and legislative leaders. God moved in a powerful way, and we look forward to the road forward from Dallas. AACC “Renew” Alaskan Cruise The 2024 “Renew” Alaskan Cruise was truly something special. We had the chance to connect with fellow Christian counselors and coach es, listen to inspiring talks from top professionals, and experience a real sense of spiritual renewal amid Alas ka’s breathtaking scenery. It was a wonderful opportunity to meet peo ple who share the same passion for helping others while finding a re newed sense of purpose surrounded by Alaska’s stunning natural beauty. This seven-day adventure, which set sail from June 22 to June 29, 2024, de parted from Seattle, Washington, and took us to breathtaking destinations like Glacier Bay, Juneau, and Sitka. We are looking at a potential Caribbean cruise in late 2025 or early 2026!

AACC “Stand Strong” speakers: Opposite left: Dr. Ben Carson; this page: bottom left, Dr. Daniel Amen; right, Darryl Strawberry

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o AACC NextGen Conference on Youth and Young Adult Mental Health Over the last few years, we have seen soaring mental and behavioral health issues, including increased suicidal ity, depression, and self-harm, with no signs of slowing down, especially among our youth and young adults. Mental health challenges were, and still are, the leading cause of disability, poor outcomes, and lifelong health issues in today’s generations. This makes children and youth one of the most underserved populations in our modern-day culture. In April, we held our first-ever NextGen Conference on Youth Mental Health to equip an army of those will ing to stand in the gap for today’s kids and families to bring awareness and understanding, facilitate access to care, and advocate for the next generation! Renowned ex perts, thought leaders, and practitioners like Jay Strack, D.Min., Chinwé Williams, Ph.D., George Barna, Ph.D., Kathy Koch, Ph.D., and others shared invaluable insights, approaches, and experiences to help attendees effectively address the complex mental health issues facing today’s youth. The conference provided a wealth of practical tools, proven strategies, and faith-based solutions that counselors, coaches, and parents could use immediate ly in their communities, schools, and practices. It was all about offering real, actionable insights that could make a difference where it matters most. The momentum gener ated at the conference is only the beginning—our mission is to sustain this critical movement, ensuring that every young person receives the support they need to thrive mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Together, we are paving the way for a healthier future. The Road Forward Event In partnership with the American Association of Chris tian Counselors, the Liberty University Global Center for Mental Health, Addiction, and Recovery hosted The Road Forward Summit III: Operation Engagement and Mobilization on July 24-26, 2024. Anchored by and rep resenting major faith-based colleges and universities and leading practitioners, this year’s event focused on practi cal next steps to be accomplished in the coming year. Each of the six areas, Legal and Legislative, Educa tion and Research, Ethical Guidelines, Clinical Services Providers, Advocacy and Public Policy, and Public Rela tions, met with other groups to collaborate on common missions and strategies for laying the groundwork to cre ate change in our mental health professions. The group

FROM THE PRESIDENT

Emma Benoit at the AACC NextGen Conference screening of the documentary, My Ascension

The group believes that these seven tasks will not only be accomplished but will begin to gain recognition in the states and, hopefully, the country for the plight of faith based mental health professionals. New Courses and Certifications Added This year, our team at Light University developed and launched a record number of courses and certifications for mental health professionals and professional coach es. To highlight the programs, here is a short list of what was released in 2024 featuring some of the world’s lead ing mental health and ministry experts: l Trauma-informed Care Coaching Certification: A 24-hour coaching certification to help train life coaches to better respond to and support those who have experienced any form of trauma. l Recovery Alive: Addiction and Recovery Coaching Certification: These two 12-hour courses are built on the proven 12-step recovery process and provide a faith-based, “in-house” recovery resource. l UPDATED: Professional Life Coaching Certifi cation: A 24-hour coaching certification designed to equip individuals with essential coaching skills, techniques, and strategies needed to guide clients toward achieving their personal and professional goals. l UPDATED: Caring for People God’s Way: A two course, 15-hour biblical counseling certificate program. Initially launched in 1997, it has equipped hundreds of thousands of individuals globally. Now fully revised and updated, it features the latest bibli cal counseling methods and strategies.

produced seven tasks to be com pleted in 12 months. The first task completed was the “Mental Health Professionals Declaration of Ethics, Principles, and Prac tice,” which can be viewed using the following QR code.

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FROM THE PRESIDENT

The accomplishments of 2024 have set a strong foundation for the future. As we look to 2025, please stay engaged in our membership community, keep looking up to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, and continue to grow in loving God and serving others.

l Professional Counseling 2.0 Courses: These three-hour continuing education courses are de signed for mental health professionals seeking to deepen their expertise and enhance their clinical skills. These new options include: s Neurobiology of Attachment 2.0 s Imposter Syndrome 2.0 s Family Grief 2.0 s Emotional Eating 2.0 s Ethical Integration of Faith and Spirituality in Clinical Practice 2.0 s Moral Injury 2.0 s Compulsive and Addictive Sexual Behavior 2.0 s Adverse Childhood Experiences 2.0 s Cyberpsychology, Artificial Intelligence, and Mental Healthcare Mini Course To learn more, visit LightUniversity.com today to continue your learning journey and take advantage of these clinically excellent and biblically-based courses. Each program is designed to equip you with the knowl edge, skills, and faith-integrated approaches needed to make a meaningful impact in your field. Take advantage of this opportunity to grow both professionally and spiri tually as you help others find hope and healing. Launch of the AACC 2025 “United” World Conference We are excited to announce the launch of our landmark AACC 2025 “United” World Conference on September 23-27 at the magnificent Opryland Hotel in Nashville, Ten nessee. As the world’s premier Christian counseling event, the AACC World Conference features 18 plenaries, sev en clinical mental health learning institute intensives, 50 pre-conference workshops, 175 professional work shops, and 200+ exhibitors and sponsors. Do not miss your chance to hear from leading mental health and min istry leaders like Gary Chapman, Ph.D., Daniel Amen, M.D., Lysa TerKeurst, Tim Timberlake, Bob Goff, Curt Thompson, M.D., John Townsend, Ph.D., and more to be announced soon! Breaking News! Chris Tomlin is set to perform live in concert. TIME magazine heralded Chris Tomlin as the “most often sung artist in the world” as his music has inspired and uplifted an entire generation of believ ers. Along the way, Chris scored 21 number-one singles, 30 top-10 hits (more than any other Christian artist), and spent 157 weeks at number one during his career. Chris is also the first Christian artist to reach the billion streams threshold on Pandora.

More than 2,000 people have already registered to join us, far outpacing the 2023 World Conference, which sold out early! This event has sold out 10 times in a row, and a sell-out crowd of over 7,000 is expected in 2025! Don’t miss this one… register now to enjoy the best sav ings we have to offer. Click here to register now. To stay onsite at the Opryland Hotel, call 877-491-7397 . The Opryland is already nearly 50% filled… so get in now! I am looking forward to seeing you in Nashville next September. Looking to 2025 The accomplishments of 2024 have set a strong founda tion for the future. As we look to 2025, please stay engaged in our membership community, keep looking up to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, and continue to grow in loving God and serving others. We look forward to you joining us and taking advantage of the various opportu nities AACC offers. Thank you for your dedication, hard work, and un wavering commitment to serving those in need through Christian counseling and coaching. Together, we can and will continue to stand strong together, united in our ef forts to bring hope to a broken and hurting world in need of Jesus. We love being a part of your life! ;

Tim Clinton, Ed.D., LPC, LMFT, BCP CC, is president of AACC, the world’s largest and most diverse Christian counseling association. He is also Exec utive Director of the Global Center for Mental Health, Addiction, and Recovery and Professor Emeritus at Liberty Uni versity. Dr. Clinton served as co-host of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk, heard on more than 1,400 radio outlets dai ly, and now hosts a weekend television program, The Road Forward, seen on Real America’s Voice News streaming service and numerous platforms. He and his son, Zach, launched a new daily meditative prayer podcast on pray.com for mental health and relationships. Dr. Clinton has been married for 43 years to his wife, Julie, and they have two chil dren and two granddaughters.

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CLINICAL PRACTICE

A Salutogenic Approach: Addressing the Mind, Body, and Spirit from the Society for Christian Psychology CHRISTIAN PSYCH NOTES Amy Oberg, MSP, BCCC

w What is salutogenesis? Salutogenesis is the origin of health and what helps people stay well, even when life is hard. The word breaks down like this: l “Salus” means health or well-being. l “Genesis” means the beginning or the source. Salutogenesis is all about the origins of health—what creates it, what supports it, and what helps us keep it. It is less about what causes sickness and more about what keeps us strong and healthy... in the midst of a chaotic human life. You may be more familiar with the pathogenic ap proach, which is much more common in society. When someone goes to the doctor, they report symptoms that suggest disease or illness, and the doctor provides a

diagnosis to manage or treat it. Pathogenesis focuses on disease or illness, typically addressed through medical or pharmaceutical treatments. We can all be grateful for the technological advances in medicine, which have likely saved our lives on multi ple occasions. However, the unfortunate outcome of this pathogenic-only or diagnosis-focused approach is a dis connect from the holistic human being, created by God as mind, body, and spirit. Salutogenesis is a rapidly growing, health-focused, and health-promotion field of theories, academia, and clinical approaches to understanding the relationship between biological, psychological, social, and spiritual assets that construct well-being. In ministry, clinical practice, counseling, life coaching,

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CLINICAL PRACTICE

or any other people-centered profession, the three indi vidual aspects that God created—mind, body, and spirit— must be acknowledged. Each part needs its own specific solutions to work together harmoniously. Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit (connection to God), soul (mind), and body (physical body) be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Thessalonians 5:23, NKJV). First Thessalonians 5:23 explains that the God of peace will sanctify us completely in our minds, bodies, and spirits. A life of peace sounds wonderful, and that is exactly how God sanctifies us—through peace. The spirit connects us to God and gives us an understanding of our relation ship with Him, should we choose to engage within our free will. While using the terminology of current culture—mind, body, and spirit—Paul emphasizes and prioritizes the spirit in this verse. Without a spirit connected to God, we can only offer tips, techniques, and formulas for human living. We are all poor in spirit and need Christ. The Bible uses the word soul to refer to the mind, which includes emotions, awareness, and mental processes through which we ex perience existence. The body physically connects with the environment through the senses, allowing us to experience human form and interact with the world around us. The mind needs mind solutions, the body needs body solutions, and the spirit needs spiritual solutions. Mind solutions could include reading the Bible, memorizing Scripture, practicing emotional regulation skills, turning off the phone or TV, or using psychological techniques to process life events, suffering, grief, trauma, etc. Body solu tions could involve strength training, physical exercise, sports, eating a healthy diet with enough protein, or drink ing sufficient water. We do not pray away body fat (even though that would be nice), and we do not pray away bio logical conditions, such as anxiety alarms. The idea here is to recognize that the human body needs specific solutions to function in conjunction with the mind and spirit. The spirit needs spiritual solutions. Every human being needs a connection with the Creator. Jesus reminds us that we are all poor in spirit and in need of Him (Matthew 5:3). When there is a discrepancy, inconsistency, or im balance between conviction and behavior, the spirit must be addressed just as much as the behavior. These three individual components work in a tri-directional relation ship to create harmony, complementing each other and impacting thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It is easy to see the overlap: a mind solution, such as memorizing Scripture, affects the soul’s connection to God, renewing our minds with truth and providing physical benefits for the brain. Strength training, a body solution, is crucial for mental health, which integrates the spiritual conviction of caring for the body as a temple (1 Corinthians 6:19-20), the habit of working out, and the benefits for both mind and spirit. In any form of leadership, ministry, or counseling, there is wisdom in correctly identifying issues and assist ing clients with the appropriate solutions.

To experience abundant life or peace in our human form, created in God’s image, we need a salutogenic ap proach to address “… illness consequences of psychosocial factors, however these consequences might be expressed” (Mittelmark et al., 2022, p. 11). Some expressions of illness involve spiritual discord due to a lack of conviction for change, which must be addressed at the spiritual level. Other expressions of illness are the result of a refusal to address body issues or the need for mind solutions and perspective. We must be cautious when assigning a spiri tual problem to a body or mind issue. Yes, Christians can suffer from body problems and still be saved. Yes, Chris tians can suffer from mind problems and still be saved. As health-focused interventions grow, we must call on the Holy Spirit for wisdom and discernment. Salutogenesis addresses the assets, resources, or capacities in a person’s life that apply to health and build an overall sense of coherence (Mittelmark et al., 2022). This approach addresses the whole human—mind, body, and spirit. Biblically, this includes securing identity in Christ, growing and walking in godly character, addressing the spirit’s connectedness with God, living in gratitude, learning acceptance, practicing forgiveness, discovering belonging in the body of Christ, and living in the hope of eternity. These are the assets and healthy resources every human can shape, mature, and grow without focusing solely on diagnosis or disease. The trend in Christian society is to provide holistic and salutogenic approaches by understanding and address ing the mind, body, and spirit individually and together to claim God’s abundant life. This method invites God’s peace into the sanctification process, becoming more whole in our humanity, gaining mental stability, and growing in spiritual maturity. ;

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Amy Oberg, MSP, BCCC , is the owner of the mental health center Hope & Health Hub, which offers counseling, groups, and online mental health tools. She is also the author of four books, including the Cloud Tool Journal , which features a journal for marriage and is working on one for Generation Z. Amy has been married to her amazing hus band for 23 years, and they have one married daughter with two grandchil dren.

References Mittelmark, M.B., Bauer, G.F., Vaandrager, L., & Pelikan, J.M. (Eds.). (2022). The handbook of salutogenesis (2nd ed.). Springer. https://doi. org/10.1007/978-3-030-79515-3. New King James Version. (1982). The Holy Bible. Thomas Nelson. https:// www.thomasnelsonbibles.com/nkjv.

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a About 15 years ago, at an AACC conference, my friends set up a meeting for me with a brilliant and skilled Christian therapist. They knew I was struggling to find my way as a new pastoral counselor and that I was looking for guidance. “You won’t find anybody better than this guy!” they told me. I was excited. I needed some direction, wisdom, and encouragement and was looking forward to what this guy had to offer. Unfortunately, he was in no position to offer me the kind of help I needed. WHY BURNOUT MATTERS AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT Jonathan Hoover, Ph.D.

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Sitting across from this therapist, I realized something was not quite right. He seemed tired, a bit agitated over having to take this meeting, and gen erally unenthused with the prospect of having a 45-minute conversation with me. I wondered if there was some polite way of backing out of this men torship “blind date” with my dignity intact. After the obligatory introductions and background information, there was an uncomfortable moment of silence. Afterward, he said to me, “I apologize. I’m not myself right now. I’m super burned out. Actually, I’m thinking about leaving the conference early. Usually, I love being here, but right now, I wish I could be somewhere else. Life has been too much for me lately. Counseling has been too much. I’m thinking about taking a break.” He sipped his coffee and then looked up at me—he seemed just as surprised as I was that he had just shared that unso licited information. At the time, I had recently returned to school to study psychology and learned some rudimentary skills in reflective listening. I did not know what else to do, so I tried that skill. “I can tell you’re feeling really terrible right now.” He answered, almost angrily, “You’ve got that right!” Although I do not remember much more about that conversation, I do recall managing a graceful exit long before the scheduled end time for our meeting. What really struck me as I walked back to my room in the Opry land Hotel was that the guy I had just met was not as advertised. He was not the icon of a great Christian counselor. Instead of a model of what I wanted to be, he was a model of what I did not want to be. My mental picture of a great Christian therapist or counselor was that of an enthusiastic, empathetic individual strongly motivated by the desire to help others and support them as they navigated life’s paths. I had to believe this guy was once that way—he must have been. However, when our paths crossed, he looked more like a shell of a man than a motivated and energized soul-care provider.

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INNOVATIVE THOUGHT & PRACTICE

None of us wants to be a burned-out counselor— someone physically present with their clients but absent from them emotionally. That is a big deal because we know that emotional presence is perhaps the most important part of our jobs.

2. Make self-care a priority. Burnout is, among other things, an indicator that you need to take better care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. So when you are burned out, it is time to take stock of your diet, sleep, and exercise (the physical component); it is time to examine your emotional experience, thought patterns, and interpretive style (the emotional component); and it is time to spend focused time with God, the renewer of hearts (the spiritual component). 3. Lean into community. I mentioned earlier that one of the key elements of burnout is isolation. And, when you are completely exhausted, isolating feels like the right thing to do. However, just as the Lord introduced Elijah to Elisha in the darkest days of his burnout crisis, God still heals the stress fractures in our lives with the compassion and partnership of others. Even if you are a sole practi tioner, it is essential to be strategic about leaning into, in stead of away from, relationships. You need others to help you through, so give them a chance to help you get back on your feet. Someday, you will do the same for them. Today, perhaps more than ever, we need energized, healthy Christian counselors to provide soul care to a hurting world. I pray that you will have the energy to serve those God has called you to counsel and be energized and healthy enough to enjoy every minute! ;

If you have been in or around the counseling world for any length of time, you know that my story is not a “one-off.” It is a common problem. In fact, in some recent research, there is evidence that as many as 40% of counsel ors may be experiencing significant levels of burnout. 1 Dr. Christina Maslach, former professor of psychology and job burnout researcher, taught us that burnout is comprised of three components: 1) emotional exhaustion, 2) deperson alization, and 3) reduced feelings of accomplishment. So, like the guy I talked to at the conference, people who are burned out lack emotional energy (emotional exhaustion). They have completely exhausted the supply of emotional tools that are the counselor’s stock-in-trade: empathy, intuition, compassion, resonance, and attunement. Their emotional gas tank is empty. It is not that they will not be able to refill that tank in time, but until they do, they are dry of energy to connect with people. As a result, they will tend to withdraw from relationships, work, and—in a sense—the best version of themselves (depersonalization). Finally, when people become aware of their exhaustion and disconnection, they feel the sharp pain of shame and failure (reduced feelings of accomplishment). None of us wants to be a burned-out counselor—some one physically present with their clients but absent from them emotionally. That is a big deal because we know that emotional presence is perhaps the most important part of our jobs. Avoiding burnout is one of the most significant steps you can take, not only for your own well-being but also for the well-being of your clients. So, what if you feel like that therapist I sat across from at the conference so many years ago? What if you are feel ing depleted, disconnected, and unsure if you can go on serving the clients you care about so much? The following are a few steps you can take to get your life back. 1. Make three appointments. Meet with your physi cian . Tell them about what you are going through, and be sure to share any troublesome physical symptoms you are experiencing. It is not uncommon to have physical pain when you are burned out. Second, meet with your thera pist . You have one, right? Sometimes, even the best coun selor needs a counselor. Let someone else be the caregiver for a bit and allow them to help you unpack your stressful experience. Finally, make an appointment with your pas tor . If you are a pastor, make an appointment with another spiritual leader who you trust. There is a spiritual element to burnout; just consider Elijah.

n

Jonathan Hoover, Ph.D., serves as an Assistant Professor at Regent University, where he directs the Master’s of Sci ence in General Psychology program. He also is the Senior Associate Pastor at NewSpring Church in Wichita, Kan sas. Jonathan is the author of the book, Stress Fracture: Your Ultimate Guide to Beating Burnout.

Endnote 1 O’Connor, K., Muller Neff, D., & Pitman, S. (2018). Burnout in mental health professionals: A systematic review and meta-analysis of prevalence and determinants. European Psychiatry, 53, 74-99. 10.1016/j. eurpsy.2018.06.003.

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22 Christian Counseling Connection f For some time, I have written and produced videos on what victims of narcissistic and emo tional abuse need to heal. I tried to capture the sentiment of what these women desperately want their mates to know and understand about them. What these women want is real and meaningful—to be seen as individuals and encour aged to find and speak their voices, to be empathized with and valued, to have the anger and hurt that they have carried for so long understood, and for men to go on their own journey of in-depth healing. They want the abuse to stop so they can begin healing. Many women have bravely done what the Apostle Paul tells us: “Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of dark ness, but instead even expose them…” (Ephesians 5:11, NASB 1995). EMOTIONAL ABUSE: HIS POINT OF VIEW RECOVERING FROM NARCISSISM AND David Hawkins, M.B.A., M.S.W., M.A., Ph.D.

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o While victims of narcissistic and emotional abuse have received the vital attention they so deserve, many men who are struggling to heal from being abusive feel unheard. These men, many of whom have involved themselves in treatment, feel misrepresented. Far from being incurable and unwilling to seek help, numerous narcissistic and emotionally abusive men have partici pated in intensive recovery. Over the past decade, since I have offered men a healing path from narcissism and emotional abuse, I have witnessed many willing to dedicate themselves to a change process. This journey is highly challenging, filled with ups and downs, progress, and relapses. These men have worked hard to bring healing to their mates, themselves, and their marriages. However, they often hear proclamations such as, “Narcissists can never change. They can never empathize with you and will only seek their own selfish needs. They are sociopaths and can only hurt you.” In short, the situation is often deemed hopeless. One of the men participating in our Core Men’s recovery group recently asked me, “Where is the information for men trying to heal?” I replied, “There is not much out there.” “Fair enough,” he said. “But when are you going to talk about what it’s like for men to be in recovery from narcissism and emotional abuse?” I have mulled over his question. Are men like him trying to shift the focus, getting themselves off the “hot seat?” Perhaps. Do they feel discouraged and inadequate? Without a doubt. I wonder if we, as a society, have allowed a misperception to flourish that “these men can never change.” I decided to ask the men in my group to ponder the issue, “What He Wants Her to Know,” with clear guidance that this must not take their focus off own ing their abuse and need for healing. I made it clear that this assignment was in no way to shift the focus off their work and in no way be an opportunity to vent, blame, or excuse away their emotional abuse. It was an attempt to build an emotional bridge to their mates… an effort to rebuild “the me and the we” that is often lost in our programs and the larger society. Here is what the men offered: 1. Notice the things I do that indicate I am genuinely in recovery from my emotional abuse, including some or all of the following: • Acknowledging I have emotionally abused you and I am attempting to rid myself of minimization, rationalization, and blame shifting to demonstrate remorse and regret, apologize within a humble and con trite spirit, and be committed to repentance and change • Striving to focus only on changing my behavior and not yours • Striving to stop expecting any praise from you regarding a change in my behavior • Wanting forgiveness but not expecting it • Seeking to acknowledge, own, and apologize when you tell me I have hurt you, regardless of whether I intended to • Actively seeking to understand what has contributed to me becoming who I am and how I can become what God has always desired me to be through reading, studying, watching videos, etc. • Receiving ongoing and regular counseling and having other account ability relationships • Recognizing that any understanding I might receive from you is based on my complete work on my program and continued emotional growth 2. Labeling me a “narcissist” may help you in some way, but it is not helpful to me. It is difficult enough for a man to get past the denial and own up to the fact that he has been abusive to his wife. The “narcissist” label typ ically carries with it a lot of dark narratives, much of which does not apply to me or other emotional abusers.

I made it clear that this assignment was in no way to shift the focus off their work and in no way be an opportunity

to vent, blame, or excuse away their

emotional abuse. It was an attempt to build an emotional bridge to their mates… an effort to rebuild “the me and the we” that is often lost in our programs and the larger society.

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TRENDING NOW 3. I desire accountability and want to know when my behavior hurts you. While I may not always receive criticism well, I am trying to grow and improve my ability to hear it when it is intended for my/ our good. 4. While I want to know when I hurt you, it is not helpful or suit able to assign motives to my actions or tell me that you know what I am thinking when I do something abusive or hurtful. While you may be right in your assumptions, you do not know what I think or feel, and I wish you would not say so. 5. My emotional abuse, as horrible as it is, does not totally define me. I also possess good qualities and would like to be en couraged for having them, just as you desire acknowledgment and encouragement from me. I ask for the opportunity to be redefined, noting that my character is changing, not fixed. Also, do not lose sight of “doing life together” and growing together, separate from a necessary focus on abuse and healing. 6. While I desire and need accountability, I also need to be af firmed occasionally. Acknowledging when I do something right and being aware of my failures would be helpful in my recovery. Noticing me moving in the right direction will further motivate me to change. 7. Remember that I have feelings, too. When you are accusatory, derogatory, and use shame-based language when communicating with me, it makes it very difficult to hear and empathize with you, and it hurts. When you shame me, the defenses I have used to pro tect myself go into full force. 8. A hurtful action is not necessarily an abusive action. We all do things that are hurtful to others that have no connection to an abusive orientation or belief system. 9. When I do something hurtful, it doesn’t necessarily mean that real change is not taking place in me or I am not on a path to recovery (see #1). Please guard against seeing every misstep as a sign of relapse. 10. It takes two people to make a marriage relationship work, be restored, and be what God intended. If you want our marriage renewed (and you may not), join me in that endeavor. Participate in your own healing as I participate in mine. If you hold me to a standard of perfection before you open up, soften toward me, and participate with me, our marriage is as doomed as if I never owned my abuse or started on the path to recovery. This, then, is what these men want others to know. It is information that can be utilized to build a bridge for the man who is attempting to recover from narcissism and emotional abuse. ;

David Hawkins, M.B.A., M.S.W., M.A., Ph.D., is a Christian clinical psychologist and Director of the Marriage Recovery Center (marriagerecov erycenter.com) in Mill Creek, Washington. He has helped bring healing to thousands of marriages and individuals and is passionate about working with couples in crisis. David is also a speaker and trainer for the AACC and a best-selling author of more than 30 books, including Never Fight Again… Guaranteed! and When Loving Him is Hurting You.

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