CCC 27-4_LR 1

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As the narcissist asserts control, the entire family system is warped. Authenticity is replaced with roles: the enabler, the golden child, the scapegoat.

showing empathy is what I’ve witnessed in the families impacted by narcissism.” Healing and Intervention True healing begins when abuse is named and dynamics are acknowledged. This is no easy task, especially when the narcissist holds the most power. Nonetheless, intervention is essential. As professionals, we must insist that narcissistic and emotionally abusive individuals receive targeted, issue-spe cific treatment. At the same time, survivors of abuse require trauma-informed therapy to reclaim their voice and iden tity. However, even this is not enough. Once the perpetrator begins treatment and the survivor is supported, attention must turn to the family system. This includes adult children, extended family members, and others impacted by the abuse. These families need expert guidance to unpack the impact, understand the roles they have been forced into, and begin returning to healthy, func tional relationships. Conclusion While the growing interest in trauma-informed therapy and treatment for narcissistic abuse is encouraging, our work cannot stop there. We must expand our vision to include the families harmed by these dynamics. Not only should we prioritize treatment for perpetra tors and the partners trying to rebuild their lives, but we must also focus on restoring family systems fractured by narcissism. There is hope for these families. With expanded awareness and targeted intervention, we can help them heal—together. ;

s A healthy sense of self is critical to every child’s devel opment, but in a narcissistic household, self-expression is often punished. These children learn to mold themselves into who the narcissistic parent wants them to be, suppress ing their own desires, needs, and identities in the process. Autonomy is perceived as a threat, and emotional authen ticity is stifled. Children of narcissists often live under a persistent bur den of guilt, obligation, and fear, especially in ongoing rela tionships with the abusive parent. They constantly remain on alert, striving to avoid triggering the narcissistic parent’s rage or disdain. These dynamics trap them in compliance, confusion, or estrangement cycles, making a genuine con nection nearly impossible. Scapegoating in the Family System Scapegoating is a hallmark of narcissistic family systems. It serves a dual function for the narcissist—preserving their false image and offloading their internal shame. Whether the scapegoat is the partner, a child, or both, the narcissist projects their own flaws—anger, failure, vulnerability—onto them. The scapegoat becomes the emotional dumping ground, painted as rebellious, selfish, or overly emotional. This pro cess protects the narcissist’s fragile ego and maintains their illusion of superiority, all at the expense of the scapegoated individual’s emotional well-being. Systemic Family Damage As the narcissist asserts control, the entire family system is warped. Authenticity is replaced with roles: the enabler, the golden child, the scapegoat. Individuality is suppressed in service of the narcissist’s needs. Triangulation—pitting family members against each other—is common, creating division, mistrust, and conflict. Speaking the truth often results in punishment or further isolation, and blind loyalty is expected. Ernest Hart, Family Intervention Specialist, shared the following with me: “Misplaced emotional responsibility becomes one of the key signs when I’m dealing with a family suffering from the effects of narcissism and emotional abuse. After working with the family for a while, the adult children often say, ‘I am responsible for protecting dad’s feelings’ or ‘I am scared dad will be mean to mom if I confront him.’ Underneath, the child feels responsible to protect those who should be protecting them. Seeing their parents sulk, pout, and say things that elicit sympathy where they should be

David Hawkins, M.B.A., M.S.W., M.A., Ph.D., is a Christian clinical psychologist and Director of the Marriage Recovery Center (marriagerecoverycenter.com) in Mill Creek, Washington. He has helped bring healing to thousands of marriages and individuals and is passionate about working with couples in crisis. David is also a speaker and trainer for the AACC and a best-selling author of more than 30 books, including Never Fight Again… Guaranteed! and When Loving Him is Hurting You.

24 Christian Counseling Connection