CCC 28-2_LR

FROM THE PRESIDENT

Parental alienation occurs when a child is gradually influenced for whatever reason to reject a loving, non-abusive parent, most often in the context of high-conflict divorce or ongoing family tension. This influence may include repeated criticism, exaggerated fear, restricted communication, or, in the case of divorce, the pressure to choose sides.

Naming the Scope of the Problem A study published in Children and Youth Services Review examined the prevalence of adults who are targets of parental alienation. 1 The findings are sobering. More than 30% of parents in the United States and Canada reported feeling alienated from a child by the other parent. 2 The study also estimated that approximately 22 million American parents have been targets of parental alienating behaviors without engaging in similar behav iors themselves. 3 The impact on children is equally concerning. Based on this data, researchers estimated that more than 3.8 million children in the U.S. may be moderately to severe ly alienated from a parent. 4 These numbers represent families and relationships who are experiencing the weight of this grief and loss. The emotional toll on target ed parents is profound—sad, really—and deeply disturb ing. Nearly half of the parents who reported being alien ated from a child indicated they had considered suicide within the previous year. 5 This is not simply a legal or relational issue, but a serious mental health and pastoral concern that demands our attention. What is “Parental Alienation?” Parental alienation is not a new concern. The term was first introduced in the mid-1980s by the late child psychiatrist, Dr. Richard Gardner, but has never been recognized as a diagnosable mental health disorder and does not appear in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders ( DSM-5 ) or the International Classification of Diseases ( ICD-11 ). What is often missed, however, is that the behaviors commonly associated with parental alienation were documented long before Gardner’s work. An article from the American Bar Association points out that similar patterns appear in divorce and custody disputes as early as the 1940s, long before the language existed to describe them. 6 Parental alienation occurs when a child is grad ually influenced for whatever reason to reject a lov ing, non-abusive parent, most often in the context of high-conflict divorce or ongoing family tension. This influence may include repeated criticism, exaggerated fear, restricted communication, or, in the case of divorce, the pressure to choose sides. Over time, the child’s understanding of the relationship begins to narrow. One parent is increasingly experienced as safe and good, while the other is viewed through a growing sense of fear, anger, or rejection. There is less room for complexity

or mixed feelings, and even past experiences can begin to feel different as the child’s perceptions slowly shift. This is not about dismissing real abuse or minimizing the need for protection. Scripture and wisdom are clear that safety must always come first. However, in cases of parental alienation, the child’s rejection is not grounded in actual danger. It is shaped by manipulation and rela tional pressure, often leaving the child with an all-or nothing view of relationships that fractures their sense of self. Ghosting and the Rise of “Going No Contact” Culture One factor that cannot be ignored is the growing influ ence of online culture and the rise in the use of artificial intelligence. Social media platforms, podcasts, and self help voices increasingly promote “going no contact” as a primary pathway to healing. In these spaces, cutting off parents or extended family is often framed as empower ment or self-care, with little attention given to long-term relational or spiritual consequences. For some, this language gives voice to real pain, and that matters. But what is often lost is the distinction between setting wise boundaries and severing relation ships entirely. Online narratives tend to flatten complex family systems into simple categories of “toxic” and “unsafe,” leaving little room for repentance, forgiveness, growth, or change. This trend can also intersect with parental alienation in subtle ways. When one parent reinforces “no contact” language, presents themselves as the only safe relation ship, or frames separation as the child’s independent choice, manipulation can be masked as empowerment. What looks like autonomy on the surface may actually be a loyalty bind underneath. While distance may initially bring relief, unresolved relational rupture often resurfaces later as grief, confu sion, or difficulty forming secure attachments. Identity is shaped in relationships. When those bonds are broken prematurely or unjustly, the loss is rarely neutral. What Does Scripture Actually Teach? This is where Christian counselors, pastors, and coaches must tread carefully. The Bible does not ignore family conflict. It is honest about broken homes, divided loyal ties, and painful separation. At the same time, Scripture consistently calls God’s people toward honor, patience, forgiveness, and reconciliation whenever possible.

Christian Counseling Connection 11