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So, our task as leaders is to combat and process the broad, negative social sequelae of fatherlessness and discover hope through father-fullness. This starts with recogniz ing an essential and strategic truth: all men are fathers or father figures. Men who express a positive father-fullness attitude become generational leaders and make a decisive difference in their homes, churches, and communities. They are character ized by a desire to grow in their commitment to their children and reach out to fatherless youth in their spheres of influence. 3 There is no simple solution. Sincere and motivated men will still fall short. All dads are vulnerable to some degree and need to process their issues—both past and present, 4 in an open and heartfelt way—to be authentic and effective fathers. Horizontal and Vertical Connections As men seek to father with excellence, there are multiple ways to encourage and equip them to sustain their commitment as dads, but two stand out: 1. Horizontal connections: genuine, positive relational experiences with his child. A dad is motivated when he can make positive contributions to his child’s well-being—investing in their heart, life, and future. In addition, other horizontal relationships also complement a father’s success, which usually involve those who know his child and have a positive impact, such as the child’s mother, siblings, extended family members, friends, teachers, coaches, ministers, neighbors, etc. 2. A father’s vertical connections. These include a man’s experiences with his father, father figures, mentors, and others who have shaped his fathering. In many cases, these are people he has looked up to and considered as role models. The verti cal connection can also be spiritual as he seeks to fulfill his generational responsibil ity and leave a positive legacy. When pursued earnestly, these two axes, the horizontal and vertical, yield high fathering satisfaction. Dads and Unresolved Issues Data from two random polls commissioned by the National Center for Fathering show that 60% of Americans agree with the statement, “Most people have unre solved issues with their father.” 5 This is a discouraging sign and helps explain the fatherhood crisis. Unresolved issues a man has with his father will impact his father ing. If there was abandonment, abuse, or addictive behaviors, he may repeat those with his children. The ultimate result can be positive in some situations, as those issues may motivate him to do better. Unresolved issues may also open a window to probe further and potentially ask a client, colleague, or friend, “Are there unresolved issues that you would like to explore and resolve with your father?” And, “What support and affirmation do you wish you had received from your father?” Processing these questions often leads to a greater understanding of the vertical and generational aspects of fathering. My friend, Gordon Dalbey, a respected author, speaker, and leader on men’s issues, reminds me that anyone who seeks to be a healed and hope-filled father must first probe the depths of his history with his father or lack of a father, and find healing for any losses he experienced as a son. Processing those issues as a son will enhance his fathering. 6

A dad is motivated

when he can make positive contributions to his child ’ s well - being — investing in their heart , life , and future .

KEN CANFIELD

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christian counseling today VOL. 28 NO. 1