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Overcomer Fathers Current research syncs with Lewis’s experience: When men resolve issues in their past, they experience healing and hope. In a broad study of fathering types 8 (n=2006 fathers) and using cluster analysis, researchers at the National Center for Fathering clas sified 22% of fathers surveyed as overcomer fathers . These dads grew up without a father or with a father who had pervasive negative traits like uncontrolled anger or addiction to unhealthy substances. Despite those difficult challenges, these overcomer fathers found healing and hope in a relationship with another Father, a heavenly one, as in Psalm 68:5-6. They were able to process the wreckage of their child hood experiences with that Father, and they became highly motivated to become involved, consistent, aware, and nurturing dads. Two Case Studies To illustrate these principles, let’s look at a few dads who have lived them out. My friend, David, is a successful business leader and an overcomer father. He lived through the pain of his parents’ divorce at age six and then had very little contact with his father until he was 13. His father had remarried, leaving David to ponder questions like, “Why did my dad move away and become a father to someone else’s kids?” David’s grandfather filled in as best he could during those years. Eventually, David met his wife, and they had five children. Something clicked in David’s heart as he quickly grew to love being a dad, and he continues to experience horizontal, relational healing as he cares for and encourages his children and works as a team with his wife. 9 Overcomer fathers often want to share what they have experienced

C.S. Lewis is an unexpected pioneer in this process. Lewis’s early life was characterized by his mother’s death when he was nine and then a challenging relationship with his father. Beginning when he was quite young, Lewis was shipped off to boarding schools where he experienced loneliness and sadness. However, his love of books and reading prompted his writings and brought solace to his heart. In his book, George MacDonald: An Anthology, Lewis wrote about a significant person in his life whom he had never met: “All that I know of George MacDonald I have learned from his own books.... The most important thing we can know about MacDonald is, he had an almost perfect rela tionship with his father. From his own father, he said, he first learned that fatherhood must be at the core of the universe” (emphasis added). Lewis continued, “I have never concealed the fact that I regarded him as my master; indeed, I fancy I have never written a book in which I did not quote from him.” 7 Although Lewis never had biological children (later in life, he became the stepfather through marriage), the concept and vision for father-fullness were reflected deeply in his spiritual journey and influence on millions through his writing.

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christian counseling today VOL. 28 NO. 1