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Some Solutions? If dad deprivation is the primary problem, dad involvement is the primary solution. The best way to assure dad involvement is to keep the family strong and together—not by the need to survive but by choice. How? While conducting the 30 years of couples’ workshops that led to Role Mate to Soul Mate , I was able to identify and help couples practice seven “love enhancements” that made their relationships strong and kept them together. The result of stronger families and fewer divorces is more dad involvement, which, in turn, mitigates the boy crisis. The most important of the seven love enhancements is developing the ability to handle personal criticism from a loved one without being defensive. Almost as important is “filling the reservoir of love” by knowing how to appreciate your loved one with at least five levels of specificity and developing the discipline to do that consistently. These love enhancements also lead to fewer “minimum security prison marriages” in which the parents stay together “for the children” but not for their love. Parents with “minimum security prison marriages” do not inspire their children to marry and have children. Schools can also offer multiple solutions for all boys— especially dad deprived boys. The following are four examples. First, teachers. There should be an approximately equal number of male and female elementary school teachers so boys do not go from mother only families to female-only elementary schools. Second, vocational education. Instead of non-academically inclined boys dropping out of high school and experiencing a more than 20% unemployment rate in their early 20s, vocational education can give them a skill set that provides pride and purpose. Japan has extensive vocational education programs, with 99.6% of their graduates receiving jobs. 16 A non-academically inclined boy is more likely to be motivated by concrete goals. He may be bored by physics and chemistry until he learns that he needs them to be a highly paid welder. The economy is transitioning from muscle to microchip, with 1.7 mil lion truck drivers predicted to be largely replaced by self-driving trucks. 17 Vocational education is needed to facilitate the transition of young men. Third, recess. Physically active boys can more easily be mentally focused. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) find that a minute of recess improves students’ test scores more than a minute of studying. 18 Recess is especially important for boys who are not academically inclined. Fourth, sports. Varsity sports need to be supplemented by intramural sports that include every boy. Tackle football needs to be replaced by flag football so taxpayer money is not used to send the message to boys that they can only be loved and honored by risking their bodies and brains. Coaches need to be informed of dad-deprived boys so they can be aware of how important they may be as role models. Legislation can also help. Florida’s legislation contributed $70 million to encourage dad involvement. 19 One way is to let dads know precisely how and why they are needed, and dads need to hear this from moms. Men can then replace being needed as warriors in combat with being “Father Warriors.” It is easier to love and be loved than to kill and be killed. States are increasingly replacing current laws—laws that give mothers of divorce

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The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) find that a minute of recess improves students’ test scores more than a minute of studying.

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christian counseling today VOL. 28 NO. 1