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a To break the cycle and reduce the violence/abuse from men, I believe we need to begin by turning the cultural conversation toward an understanding and acceptance of wounds and emotions. Men need to embrace vulner ability and look inward as well as outward. When asked to identify their core wound(s), it has been my experience that most men are unable. While certainly no excuse, without a broad approach to emotional regulation, there is little wonder that the combination leads to destructive behavior. On the other hand, if wounds and broader emotional expression were accepted, men would be healthier individuals and fathers. As a therapist, I have found the combination of core wound identi fication and physiological soothing very effective in helping emotional regulation. Core wounds often start with “I am….” For example, I am unworthy, invaluable, incompetent, a failure, and so forth. The easiest way to identify this is to take an example from a time when there was a strong emotional reaction and then go deeper to see how the “I am” statement ends. Understanding that our bodies hold the key to healthy living is also important. I like to teach my clients (men especially) the box breathing method to help with the powerful physiological experience of emotions. When we can calm down, we are much more unlikely to act outward in unhealthy ways. Many forces cause cycles of abuse and violence. This is indeed a complex issue that does not have a single solution. That said, part of the solution is understanding that the monster within is no monster but a wound longing to be healed. Through God’s grace and our pursuit of meaningful connec tion with Him and others, healing is not just possible but transformative, offering hope for individuals, families, and communities alike. ✠

TO BREAK THE CYCLE AND REDUCE THE VIOLENCE/ ABUSE FROM MEN, I BELIEVE WE NEED TO BEGIN BY TURNING THE CULTURAL CONVERSATION TOWARD AN UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE OF WOUNDS AND EMOTIONS. MEN NEED TO EMBRACE VULNERABILITY AND LOOK INWARD AS WELL AS OUTWARD.

MIKE VAUGHN, M.A., CSAT, leads Bethesda Workshops as its Executive Director. He specializes in sex addiction recovery, intensive therapy, marriage therapy, and trauma. Mike shares his work nation wide for conferences, podcasts, and resources like Covenant Eyes. He has had more than 100 television appearances and is the author of an eBook for therapists on providing intensive therapy.

Endnotes 1 Aslam, M.V., Swedo, E., Niolon, P.H., Peterson, C., Bacon, S., & Florence, C. (2024). Adverse childhood experiences among U.S. adults: National and state estimates by adversity type, 2019-2020. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 67 (1):55-66. doi: 10.1016/j.amepre.2024.02. 010. Epub 2024, Feb 17. PMID: 38369270; PMCID: PMC11193602. 2 Elmquist, J., Hamel, J., Shorey, R.C., Labrecque, L., Ninnemann, A., & Stuart, G.L. (2014). Motivations for intimate partner violence in men and women arrested for domestic violence and court referred to batterer intervention programs. Partner Abuse, 5 (4):359-374. doi: 10.1891/1946-6560.5.4.359. PMID: 25332752; PMCID: PMC4201052. 3 Chaplin, T.M. (2015). Gender and emotion expression: A developmental contextual perspective. Emotion Review, 7 (1):14-21. doi: 10.1177/1754073914544408. PMID: 26089983; PMCID: PMC4469291. 4 Chaplin, T.M. (2015).

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