CCC 27-1_LR

PASTORAL CARE

Similarly, I have sat with families during tragic circumstances and walked the journey of grief that followed. Now, I am approaching those processes in ways that might allow a person experiencing grief to come to a deeper knowledge of God. As many counselors know, our culture tends to treat grief as a malady to cure; we seek counseling as a means of getting over the grief as quickly as possible. What might we be missing in that rush toward healing? Is it possible that how we handle grief may open us up to new and deepening understandings of God and ourselves? Sisters of Sorrow Lately, I have reflected on the grief processes of Martha and Mary, the sisters of Lazarus who died in Bethany and whose story is recorded in John 11. According to John’s Gospel, Jesus was aware that Lazarus was sick but did not rush to his friend’s side, opting to wait until after Lazarus died to make his way to Bethany. Before he could arrive, Martha heard that Jesus was on His way. She confronted Jesus before He entered her town with a familiar charge to those experiencing grief: “… if you had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:21). These days, I hear her charge in the exasperated tones of some one who wonders where God is while watching a loved one decline. “Where are you, God?” we might pray in the darkness of loss. The conversation Jesus has with Martha opens an opportunity for her to confess her belief in Jesus and her brother’s resurrection. Sometimes, we need to work out questions of theology in the midst of grief, and Jesus seems to have no problem doing this with Martha. Mary’s response, however, takes a different turn. She meets Jesus in the same place that her sister spoke with Him, beginning in the same way as her sibling: “If you had been here….” Yet, Jesus sees her tears, senses the sorrow she is experiencing, and is apparently motivated to handle this conversation differently. “Where have you laid him?” Jesus asks (John 11:34). Her response to His question is remarkable, and in it, we find not only profound theological wisdom but also a way of engaging grief alongside those in mourning. “Come and see,” she invites. Her request seems simple enough on the surface, but seeing how it is set in John’s Gospel opens a surprising possibility. This is, in fact, the third time we have heard this phrase in John. The previous two times have been connected to an invitation for others to come and see Jesus or His dwelling. This is, however, the only time this invitation is issued to Jesus Himself, which not only opens profound theological discovery for Mary but also gestures toward what counselors who fol low after this Invited One may be able to offer. Into the Heart of Grief Often, Martha and Mary’s grief responses are compared to one anoth er. A subtext emerges that one’s grief response is somehow better than the other. I do not want to do that, not only because it wrongly suggests there is a “right” and “wrong” way to grieve but also because I think it misses the movement of Jesus into the heart of grief. When the story opens, Jesus is at a distance from Bethany. Upon hearing the news of Lazarus’s death, He begins to move closer to the town. When Mary meets Jesus, she invites Him to move to the center of her sorrow: “Come and see.” There is an echo, it seems to me, of Lamentations in Mary’s invita tion. In Lamentations 1, the fallen city of Jerusalem is given the persona

What might we be missing in that rush toward healing? Is it possible that how we handle grief may open us up to new and deepening understandings of God and ourselves?

Christian Counseling Connection 31