CCC 27-2_LR

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Choose the Journey of Becoming To cross the mountain and get to the beach, the journey begins not when you decide to go but when you actually take the first step. And you will not even consider the journey if you do not feel going to the beach is worth it! When you value becoming the best version of yourself, you will likely choose each day to learn how to live out your beliefs and values. As counselors and pastors, we often learn about “personal growth” so we can teach it. Sadly, this deep journey usually starts when difficulties and pain cross our paths, forcing us to grow. When being more loving and kind matters to you, the growing journey can find its way into your daily rhythms and become your way of life. Know Yourself The definition of self-awareness, according to organizational psychologist, re searcher, and author, Tasha Eurich, in her book, Insight: The Surprising Truth About How Others See Us, How We See Ourselves, and Why the Answers Matter More Than We Think , is “… the ability to see ourselves clearly—to understand who we are, how others see us, and how we fit into the world.” 1 However, Eurich’s research finds that most people are “self-delusional,” and there is a “growing gap between how we see ourselves and what we really are.” 2 Her research also shows humans are “… terrible judges of our own perfor mance and abilities.” 3 Apparently, people judge themselves and their perfor mance as being better than they are. I see this in the counseling room with couples when they retell the details of a prior argument and inadvertently reenact it in my presence. Each spouse claims they did nothing wrong and the other caused the argument to go sideways. Both falsely evaluate their reactions during the argument as much calmer and level-headed than they actually were. “What? I was not talking harshly; I had a normal talking voice!” Or, “Critical? Me? I am not critical; you should hear yourself; you are just as critical as your mother!” I often wish I had a replay tape in my counseling office, allowing me to say, “Let’s view that conversation again, and this time only watch yourself.” Valu ing a journey of understanding and taking responsibility for yourself is pow erful and courageous. An influential quote by award-winning author, Frances Hardinge, in her book, Fly by Night , says, “Even if you dare not speak truth to others, never lie to yourself.” 4 What a reminder that seeing yourself clearly is a gift. And even though your automatic response might be to get defensive and protect yourself from being seen as not good enough, wrong, or bad, it is best not to hide who you truly are from yourself.

When you value becoming the best version of yourself, you will likely choose each day to learn how to live out your beliefs and values.

Christian Counseling Connection 27