CCC 27-2_LR

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Value a Trusted Friend and Learn to be One It would be best if you had a few people in your life who can put a mirror on you and nudge you to grow and mature. Trusting a friend or mentor to speak into your life is invaluable because you might judge yourself nobler than your impact. I have two sisters whom I am close to, one a life coach and the other a therapist/spiritual director. During our “sister talks,” we often gently ask a simple question that invites us to slow down and self-reflect. When a broader perspective is needed, one ques tion might be, “Does the other person see the situation the same way you do?” Or sometimes, a question that diverts ru mination is, “What does this difficult situation make possible?” The question that hits my heart the most is, “Does how you reacted reflect who you strive to be?” Or, “Is this the next right thing God has for you to do?” Having a few people with whom you can risk being vulnerable is essential, allowing your guard to lower so you can self-reflect instead of becoming defensive. And in doing so, feel safe enough to admit your faults. Being known is risky, but when you are seen and still valued, it helps you feel secure enough to grow. A powerful gift to give your close relationships is to be a trustworthy friend in return. Be patient with others’ faults, gentle when hurt, mindful to think before reacting, and willing to ask the difficult, yet life-impact ing, questions that have the potential to foster growth. Keep Your Friends in Real Life You cannot grow as a person by yourself. God intended us not to be self-sufficient islands. Spending time with those you care about is a gift to yourself, and your presence is a gift to others. A well-written text message does not replace the genuine con nection and comfort of a face-to-face get-together where you can experience a dear friend or mentor’s presence, see their facial expressions, and listen to the tone of their voice as they help you see yourself and grow. You need trusted friends to share life with, help you grow, and become all God wants you to be. ;

Sharon May, Ph.D., conducts Safe Haven Marriage Intensives and co-hosts the “Love Well” membership program, helping people grow to become safe havens and love well. For further information on intensives or to join the Safe Haven community program or get the Dragon Workbook, go to www. safehavenrelationshipcenter.com or e-mail grow@havenofsafety.com.

Endnotes 1 Eurich, T. (2018). Insight: The surprising truth about how others see us, how we see ourselves, and why the answers matter more than we think. Crown Curren cy: New York. p. 6.

2 Eurich, T. (2018). p. 7. 3 Eurich, T. (2018). p. 7.

4 Hardinge, F. (n.d.). Fly by night. Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/ quotes/620305-truth-is-dangerous-it-topples-palaces-and-kills-kings-it.

28 Christian Counseling Connection