CCC 27-3

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

HIGH REGARD and APPRECIATION

Sharon May, Ph.D.

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It was week five of my Safe Haven Couples Zoom group, and the topic was “Fun and Friendship.” In my couples group, we spend the first four sessions discussing how to argue, complain, and say sorry, and in the fifth week, we focus on fun and a couple’s friendship. A couple needs to bookend their arguments with fun and friendship, as a positive connection makes love last. Looking for a few quotes to add to my talk, I pulled out the work of marriage researcher, John Gottman, regarding his relationship principles that foster great marriages. As I skimmed the familiar articles I had read and quoted so many times, a few sentences jumped out at me in a fresh new way. The same is true when you read a familiar Bible passage several times and, somehow, the verse stands

out with a new meaning and clarity to its application. The paragraph stated that “fondness and admiration” are two of the most vital elements in a good and lasting marriage… if a couple has lost all fondness and admiration for each other, the marriage cannot be saved. I stopped reading and took a deep breath. Yes, of course. Happy couples like and admire one another. This Velcro’s® their hearts together. However, when a couple no longer likes or admires each other, there is no glue to connect them, despite all their efforts to change their ar gument cycle. They can remain together and be polite but not connected. It hit me in a fresh new way—this principle is also core to a good family, friendship, workplace, and community.

24 Christian Counseling Connection