CCC 28-1

TRENDING NOW

We have heard a great deal about “gaslighting” in recent years—when some one manipulates another into doubting their own perceptions and even sanity. When tied to Scripture, gaslighting is a powerful tool for manipulation. Understanding Gaslighting Let’s take a fresh look at what gaslighting is. Gaslighting is any attempt to manipulate another’s perceptions to gain control and some advantage. It is an action used to achieve greater power and control and is always harmful. The impact of gaslighting is devastating. When one’s perceptions are repeat edly challenged, the victim experiences confusion, self-doubt, and a loss of confidence in their own discernment. What is Scriptural Manipulation? Now, imagine yourself in a Christian marriage, family, or church. A person armed with Scripture bends it to justify their control. Armed with knowledge of Scripture, a threatened man or woman selectively quotes the Bible to gain power, justify abuse, shame, or silence another. One example, out of many, of the selective quoting of Scripture includes, “Wives, submit to your own husbands…” without also including the closing admonition to men, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church…” (Ephesians 5:22, 25, NKJV). Ultimately, misuse of this Scripture plac es all responsibility on the wife to be “obedient” to the husband, denying her role as an equal partner in the relationship. My friend and colleague, Leslie Vernick, described it perfectly: “The Bible never describes headship as you get your way all the time. That has a differ ent word—selfishness. And using Scripture to get someone to comply is not biblical submission. It’s using your power over someone to rob them of their God-given agency.” Another misused text is 1 Corinthians 7:4-5 (NIV). Countless men (as well as some Christian counselors/pastors) have twisted or misused this Scripture, which states: “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband…. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer….” The most harmful misuse is framing these verses as a biblical justification for sexual demands within a marriage, especially for a husband to pressure his wife for sex whenever he wants. When properly understood, this passage teaches mutuality, equality, and consent within marriage. In the context of an emotionally abusive marriage, this Scripture is twisted to justify sexual coer cion. The Apostle Paul intended for both partners to be called to mutual giving, not forced taking. Emotional and Spiritual Impact The impact of gaslighting and spiritual manipulation is significant. Survivors often describe: 1. Internal confusion. Victims doubt their ability to discern God’s voice. While their mates seem to speak with authority and demand to be trusted, their actions feel harmful. 2. Marital conflict. Feeling controlled, victims of spiritual manipulation might push back, leading to greater conflict. 3. Shame and fear. Victims of spiritual manipulation constantly feel “not good enough,” with controlling partners using intimidation, coercion, and emotional manipulation to shame them into feelings of inadequacy or over powering them to drive the partner to give up. 4. Isolation. Victims of spiritual manipulation often feel cut off from healthy community. The controlling partner frequently attempts to isolate their mate to maintain control.

Gaslighting is any attempt to manipulate another’s perceptions to gain control and some advantage. It is an action used to achieve greater power and control and is always harmful.

Christian Counseling Connection 23