CCC 28-1

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i 5. Spiritual trauma. Some vic tims ultimately leave their church es, while others walk away from their faith altogether. The abusive partner may seek allegiance with church leadership and confront the victim with “the truth,” with the potential of church leaders becoming secondary abusers. In these cases, the victim’s impending spiritual wounding will be deep and devastating. Recognizing Red Flags It is not always easy to distinguish between spiritual manipulation and spiritual encouragement. Here are a few key questions to help determine the difference between the two: • Do I constantly sec ond-guess my understand ing of Scripture? • Do interpretations always seem to benefit the other person? “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free…” (Galatians 5:1, NIV). Scripture is meant to liberate, not enslave. When it is misused to dominate others, that is not biblical leadership—it is spiritual abuse. Furthermore, God invites reason ing, not blind obedience. Isaiah 1:18 (ESV) states, “Come now, let us reason together….” Discussion of Scripture should be done by invita tion, not coercion. Those who are teaching the Word of God should exude an attitude of Christ’s “servant leader ship.” Mark 10:45 (NIV) states, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.” Finally, an emphasis should be on God’s heart: love, truth, and restoration, not domination. • Do I feel pressured to obey a person rather than God? Am I discouraged from seeking outside counsel? Does this spiritual leader foster freedom or fear? • • • Am I allowed to say “no” without being shamed? The Apostle Paul reminds us:

Steps Toward Healing Gaslighting and spiritual manipulation are tragically common in Christian circles. As people-helpers, we have the opportunity and responsibility to help. Leslie Vernick adds, “But we, too, must be careful not to use Scripture to demand compliance to our prescribed treatment plan.” First, help to name the abuse . Understand that twisting Scripture for control is not only ungodly, but abusive and harmful. Second, encourage seeking safe, wise counsel . Encourage victims of gaslighting and spiritual manipulation to find alternative pastors, friends, support groups, and counselors outside the manipulative environment. Third, encourage them to rebuild their view of God . Encourage victims to spend time in Scripture independently, focusing on God’s character of love and grace. Remind them, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7, NKJV). Finally, establish healthy boundaries. As always, learn the importance of say ing “no” to control, manipulation, and abuse. Conclusion God’s Word was never meant to be used as a weapon of control. When Scripture is used as a weapon—to serve another’s agenda—it wounds more deeply than almost any other form of manipulation. It confuses, isolates, and shames. Freedom in Christ means freedom from manipulation. If anyone is made to feel small, silenced, or afraid in the name of faith, that is not the voice of God. Authentic spiritual leadership reflects Christ, who came not to dominate but to serve, not to control but to set free. Gaslighting thrives in darkness, but healing begins when truth comes to the light. We have an incredible opportunity to help others share their pain, in cluding their questions and doubts. We must help them seek counsel outside of controlling environments, as threatening as that may be. Finally, it is essential to cling to this Scripture: “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32, NIV). ;

David Hawkins, M.B.A., M.S.W., M.A., Ph.D., is a Christian clinical psychologist and Director of the Marriage Recov ery Center (marriagerecoverycenter.com) in Mill Creek, Washington. He has helped bring healing to thousands of marriages and individuals and is passionate about working with couples in crisis. David is also a speaker and trainer for the AACC and a best-selling author of more than 30 books, including Never Fight Again… Guaranteed! and When Loving Him is Hurting You.

24 Christian Counseling Connection