CCC 28-1

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

5. Encourage daily rhythms of connection. Whether it is a morning check-in, a shared meal, prayer together, or simply a hug, consistent small practices build happiness. Happiness is a Byproduct of Love Ironically, the more we chase happiness directly, the more it eludes us. Happiness is not a goal we grasp at but a byproduct of living and loving well. When we choose to become trustworthy, safe, and kind, when we show up for the people who matter, and when we repair and reconnect after conflict, happiness grows almost unnoticed—like flowers blooming in a well-tended garden. As Jesus reminds us, the greatest commandments are to love God and to love others (Matthew 22:37-40, 1 John 4:21, Luke 10:27). When we orient our lives around love, we discover the deepest and most enduring happiness of all. A Reflection for You As you sit with the people you serve—whether in counsel ing rooms, church offices, or coaching sessions—I encour age you also to pause and reflect personally: • Where do I find joy in relationships? • What dragons may still rob me of happiness? • Who in my life needs me to reach out, repair, or respond with kindness today? Life is precious. We do not know how many days we have with the people we love. Let us not waste our time in bit terness, busyness, or withdrawal. Let us choose, every day, to become our best so that we can love well—and in doing so, experience the deep happiness that flows from safe, loving, and connected relationships. ;

Becoming Your Best Self Brings Joy Happiness in relationships is not about changing the other person—it is about becoming your best self. The reality is that none of us can control how our spouses, children, or colleagues respond. However, we can con trol how we present ourselves. To “become your best” 4 means cultivating the ma turity and resilience that allow you to love well, even when life is stressful or others are reactive. It means learning to: • Pause and breathe rather than lash out • Choose kindness over defensiveness • Be honest without being harsh • Stay present rather than shutting down • Forgive rather than harbor resentment These choices not only strengthen our relation ships but also increase our own sense of peace and joy. Scripture reminds us, “… as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18, NIV). When we cultivate patience, humility, and compassion, we experience the happiness that comes from aligning our actions with our most deeply held values. Practical Pathways Toward Happiness in Relationships For those of us who counsel, coach, or pastor others, here are practical ways we can guide people toward relational happiness: 1. Help them identify what truly matters. Encour age people to reflect on their values and priorities. Ask: At the end of your life, what relationships will you most want to have invested in? 2. Map out the cycle. Show couples or families how their arguments follow predictable patterns. Naming the cycle externalizes the problem and brings hope: “It’s not that you’re incompatible—it’s that you’re stuck in a negative pattern.” 3. Teach repair skills. Practice apologies, empa thy statements, and comfort rituals. Small gestures of reconnection restore joy. 4. Address the dragons. Help individuals identify the old beliefs that fuel reactivity. With compassion, guide them toward new, healthier ways of interpreting and responding to their experiences. When we cultivate patience, humility, and compassion, we experience the happiness that comes from aligning our actions with our most deeply held values.

Sharon May, Ph.D., conducts Safe Ha ven Marriage Intensives and co-hosts the “Love Well” membership program, helping people grow to become safe havens and love well. For further infor mation on intensives or to join the Safe Haven community program or get the Dragon Workbook, go to www.safe havenrelationshipcenter.com or e-mail grow@havenofsafety.com.

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Endnotes 1 Waldinger, R.J., & Schulz, M.S. (2023). The good life: Lessons from the world’s longest scientific study of happiness. Simon & Schuster. 2 Grounded in attachment theory (Dr. John Bowlby) and Emotionally Focused Therapy research (Dr. Sue Johnson), which emphasize that humans are biologically wired to seek safe emotional bonds. 3 May, S. (2007). How to argue so your spouse will listen: Finding common ground and reconnecting hearts. Tyndale House. The concept of dragons was first introduced by Dr. Sharon May. 4 Become Your Best™ is the title of Dr. Sharon May’s Women’s Monthly Retreat Membership. grow@becomeyourbest.com.

28 Christian Counseling Connection