CCC 28-2_LR

INNOVATIVE THOUGHT & PRACTICE

Why Missing the Blessing is So Damaging For us, helping people move past missing the Blessing begins with their understanding of why it is so damaging. For example, if we grew up in a home where there was little to no joy, we can almost be certain that there was also little to no love. As our friends, Jim Wilder and Michael Hendricks, say, neurologically speak ing, “Love moves at the speed of joy.” In addition, we challenge people to be very honest about this question: “Who looked at you (even occasional ly) like they were crazy about you?” If the answer was “no one” (and it often is, outside the unconditional love of a precious family pet), then almost certainly there was no blessing there. How can you overcome such a loss? We begin by helping people examine those five elements of the Blessing through the lens of what they have missed . In short, seeing why missing each element of the Blessing hurts so much when it is withheld, purposefully or through neglect, and how each one, in different ways, can impact us for so long! This is not to weigh them down, but to give them insight into why the hurt is so real. We also look at homes that often withhold the Blessing. For example, homes where the Blessing was always put just out of reach, or where some one was forced to try and earn some thing that is only and always a “gift.” Personal Pictures of Reversing the Curse That is where we start. The reality is that most of us are, in some or many ways, broken… but then we share our two stories (and we encourage you to share your story with your clients if you have moved from Broken to Blessed). The Gospel is, of course, a story. And your story, and ours, gives a picture to those we counsel of how all our lives can be knocked off course, and yet, in Christ, be put back on track. My story (John) was of growing up in a home where I never received my father’s blessing. It is the story of

Yet, from whatever broken place, a life-giving turn can transpire in our journey. Whatever our story, Jesus is right there to step into the brokenness.

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the absence of the Blessing. Then there’s Kari’s story… of growing up in a home where she did get the Blessing. However, after college, she chose to step away from the Lord and ended up stepping into a terrible, abusive relationship. Tragically, over time, abuse can and often does wipe away every element of the Blessing, which is also at the heart of so much brokenness today! An extraordi nary number of young men and women are going into adult life having experi enced trauma or abuse when they were growing up. Yet, from whatever broken place, a life-giving turn can transpire in our journey. Whatever our story, Jesus is right there to step into the brokenness. Amazingly, and often unexpectedly, His love breaks into our lives (truly, second-order change)! Perhaps it is through a loved one or friend sharing their stories or the Gospel story… or any one of a million ways God can make Himself known that breaks into our lives and reverses the curse. And then the Holy Spirit brings to us different pictures. Pictures of Jesus, of His love and blessing, of hope and joy and love—an understanding and deep sense of knowing that, incredibly, unexplainably, God really can change the pictures of our life stories. And that He really will never, ever leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5)—that He really can change the direction of our lives. He can truly move us away from all those terrible pictures and put us on our knees, into the Kingdom of God and the reality of His love, in Christ, surrounding and blessing us. That is the starting point in our journeys. With every step we take from there, we become in and with Christ. Talk about the loving attachment bond of all attachment bonds! Seven Small Steps That Can Begin to Change Everything It is then that we are finally ready to go forward in life, truly free and over flowing with God’s blessing. Now we are prepared to go “do our jobs,” which Eugene Peterson wonderfully paraphrases the Blessing in The Message (1 Peter 3:9), “That’s your job—to be a blessing and also get a blessing.” In Christ, we are free to love and bless from that place of having been fully

20 Christian Counseling Connection